07.07.09
Atomic Rants. Brought to you today by lawyers & numbers 7, 12, and 25.
<Stingray> Oh good. It’s barely 11 and the vein in my forehead is going like a flaminco dancer.
<CueBall> Headache?
<Stingray> Lawyers & work.
<Stingray> Technically this is the last time I have to deal with the lawyer, but that technicality is paying the fucking piece of shit freeloading assgobbling layabout fuckwad that wouldn’t have racked up such a gifuckingnormous shitstabbing fucking bill if he’d fucking done what we god damn told him in the first motherfucking place.
<Stingray> If this fucking bill at least came with the opportunity to break his fucking legs, it’d be something. Instead it’s BOHICA.
<RobbAllen> Don’t hold back Stingray
<CueBall> yeah Stingray, tell us how you really feel
<Stingray> If I say what I really think then the internet will develop actual life made of pure rage. Do you really want something with the power of /b/, somethingawful, and all those porn sites coming to life pissed off?
<Vertel> Yes. Yes I do.
<Stingray> ALL right that fucking tears it.
<Stingray> I just got FUCKING CHRISTMAS SALE SHIT FROM FUCKING SEARS
<Salamander> what? no..
<Snarky> Yeah, I agree. That’s a bit on the FUCKING RIDICULOUS side.
<Stingray> I am going to find someone and shove my fucking cock up whoever fucking came up with this shitting dick nipple of an idea and skull fuck them until I can jettision pure rage into the empty god damn socket where their brain is supposed to be, and then I’m going to use that hatespooge filled hollow fucking husk to kill the fucking stupid out of whoever fucking approved the god damn idea.
* RobbAllen covers the children’s eyes
* CueBall covers the adults eyes
<Stingray> This is so monumentally fucking retarded that michael god damn jackson couldn’t have added fucking surgery to make this any more GOD DAMN FUCKING PHONE DONT RING NWO YOU PIECE OF SHIT
* RobbAllen smells something burning
* RobbAllen thinks it might be Stingray
<LabRat> Yeah, if you don’t hear from me again, check the news.
<Snarky> I fear for your safety, LR. lol
<Salamander> <Stingray> I am going to <bleep> <bleep> my <bleep> <bleep> up <bleep> <bleep> <bleep> <bleep> <bleep> <bleep> <bleep> idea.
<Stingray> Because our lawyer was a worthless piece of floating dog jizz that couldn’t be bothered to do any fucking work when it would’ve been cheap.
<Stingray> Now I’m going to find the sharpest fucking aluminum christmas tree I can and go to sears and become the happiest little murder clause they’ve ever seen singing a jaunty fucking carol in July.
<Stingray> https://sears.rsys4.net/servlet/website/PersonalizedForm?lLHklEVTTCTATA_zyz_zvev_JokplmtHlEy.269bwb.26u0b.2e_EVBXVXTYEvw0_05w.26_9v.2e.26Ez9
<Stingray> If anyone can look at that and tell me with a straight face one good reason I shouldn’t take a god damn pile of rusty rebar, weld it into a ten-foot-wide ball of spikes, and start rectally violating the living god damn retard out of the entire fucking marketing department at sears, I question your sanity.
<Stingray> Also my backspace key just quit fucking working.
<NotAGunNut> Dude, it’s xmas in July!
<NotAGunNut> You been living under a rock?
<Stingray> SHUT YOUR WHOREHOLE CHRISTMAS IS BAD ENOUGH IN DECEMBER
<Stingray> There are not enough fragile fucking jars in the world to shove up the number of asses I need to shove them up.
<Stingray> And then I will use a 900 watt immersion blender to make fucking sure the jars work.
<Stingray> Followed by vigorous application of fucking boots to whatever abomination passes for genitals on these god damn piles of various cat-vomit encrusted clown cum.
* RobbAllen offers more popcorn to anyone else who might want some.
<Stingray> FUCK IT. IT’S TIME FOR THE FUCKING FESTIVAL OF ALVIS IN JULY
<Stingray> BRING ME MY WHISKEY
….
<Stingray> Oh, fuck. I still have the fucking work retard to deal with.